


Well Fry My Circuits And Call Me A Sith

by violasarecool



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Chiss (Star Wars), Droid Character(s) - Freeform, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25531834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violasarecool/pseuds/violasarecool
Summary: it's not very often that anyone takes notice of a chiss in the empire. but a droid? the likelihood is next to nonexistent.
Kudos: 10





	Well Fry My Circuits And Call Me A Sith

**Author's Note:**

> in-universe, LE-01 uses a holo for pronouns, but in writing i use emojis: 🤖/🤖/🤖s

The call came while they were tidying up the last job, pleasantly buzzed on adrenaline and the satisfaction of a clean kill. Egrun breezed through Kashar's brief, barely paying attention to his excuses for Watcher Two's absence.

So when Keeper's 5 mile stare lit up the deserted plaza, Egrun almost dropped vaer comm.

"Agent," said Keeper's tiny blue holoimage, and Egrun bit back a curse; behind vaer, Kaliyo sniggered. "You're to suspend all field operation immediately; you're needed elsewhere."

LE started muttering something under 🤖s breath that was definitely a complaint; Egrun cleared vaer throat. "I wasn't expecting to hear from you, Keeper," vae said, giving LE a pointed look. Arguing with orders was only going to get them _more_ work, and Egrun was getting a little tired of taking the kickback from LE's backtalk.

"Watcher Two is still your liaison to base, but I wanted to deliver these orders personally," Keeper said. "Darth Jadus wants to speak with you. You will proceed to his chambers for an audience."

"Hah!" LE crowed, "sucker." 🤖 turned to Kaliyo. "Wanna hit up a bar or two while—"

"Both of you," Keeper cut in.

LE ground to a halt. "What?" 🤖 said, turning 🤖s head toward Egrun. "Jadus wants to see the _droid?_ You sure you didn't get your orders mixed up?"

"Oh, I'm quite sure," Keeper said sharply, though his glare was less an admonition than a confirmation that they were _all_ sharing the same doubts. Egrun gave LE a troubled glance. "You've met Darth Jadus," Keeper continued, "and experienced his power. I suggest you treat him with _respect,_ and do as he asks."

A comment aimed _pointedly_ at LE: _Do not speak to him the way you speak to me if you wish to continue functioning._

"Is he here to punish us?" LE asked flatly. "Make us an example?"

Keeper pursed his lips. "I really can't say."

"Great," LE muttered.

"For what it's worth—I tried to shield you from this." Egrun blinked; it was hard to read Keeper's face in the grainy holo, but there was a note of honesty in his voice that sent an uneasy shiver down Egrun's spine. "But," Keeper said, voice quickly returning to the same familiar clipped tones, "it seems it was unavoidable. You will resume operations when this is finished, agents. Keeper out."

They stared at the holo-communicator in silence, the echo of Keeper's words filling the space like a fourth presence. "Well," Kaliyo finally said, obnoxiously cheerful in the face of something _she_ didn't have to deal with, "that didn't sound so good."

* * *

They were greeted by a man with greying skin and clumsy cybernetics that made even LE's first prototype chassis look like the work of a minor deity. Behind him, the room was occupied by 7 more identical humanoids, all wearing identical leaden expressions. "Some real lookers around here," LE muttered; Egrun coughed loudly.

At the end of the room, Jadus stood before an obsidian desk, pristine and utterly empty, as if it had never been used. _For more than mind games and posturing, anyway,_ Egrun thought. Add some light and windows, and they could have been standing before any official in the Ascendancy.

Minus the masked Sith. Egrun realized with a start that Jadus had been speaking for several minutes now, and vae hadn't absorbed a single word. "—proved yourself by outmaneuvering the Hutts," he was saying, and Egrun cast a frantic look at LE—who, of course, decided that _now_ was the moment to dutifully keep 🤖s focus on Jadus (despite the fact that 🤖 _absolutely_ had the processing power to focus on both). "Now I choose you to exterminate the dissidents who would destroy our way of life."

_Wait. What?_

"I sense your uncertainty—you wonder why I involve myself in this affair—" _Wonder what the hell you're talking about—_ "why I take an interest in you and Imperial Intelligence."

There was an expectant pause. Before Egrun could decide if Jadus was being rhetorical, LE's voice broke the silence. "Uh, _yeah,"_ LE said. Egrun stiffened. _What happened to 'don't piss off the deadly Sith'??_ Vae glanced cautiously at Jadus, waiting for a lightsaber to appear, or blasts of lightning to shoot from his fingertips.

Luckily, Jadus only seemed amused. "Many in the Dark Council hold themselves above the mundane business of the Empire. I believe this is a mistake. I believe we must spread the ways of the Sith to the Empire entire—plant terror and hatred in every heart. I believe in the democratization of fear."

Egrun was struck by the absurd urge to laugh. Frankly, vae was surprised LE was holding back, but it was possible the droid's metaphorical eyes had glazed over the moment Jadus started talking about the _ways of the Sith._

"I chose you for this assignment—" _Again, what_ is _the damn assignment?_ _"—_ not only because of your past successes, but because you are outsiders—an alien and a droid, disdained and overlooked by your superiors. Your loyalty is uncompromised."

 _Loyalty._ Egrun glanced at LE, who was still strangely silent. "Are you implying there's a conspiracy in Imperial Intelligence?" Egrun asked, more to fill the silence than anything else. _Conspiracy? In the super secret spy club? I'm shocked._

"Watch those around you, and trust no one," Jadus said solemnly, as if he was imparting the hidden truths of the universe to their _tiny uncomprehending_ brains. "You will see the truth for yourself."

He turned to face the banners on his wall, hands clenched behind broad shoulders. "I will leave Dromund Kaas soon aboard the starship Dominator. I will travel with a thousand dignitaries, diplomats and slaves—" _Blah blah, I'm soo powerful,_ Egrun's mind helpfully substituted as Jadus rounded his desk to stand before them; a towering 6 or 7 feet of Sith theatrics. "Kneel before me now, and I will ensure that you have the means to succeed."

"Well, if you put it like _that_ ," LE said dryly.

Egrun was once more struck by how little had changed over the years; they'd traded Chiss oversight for Sith, all while taking orders from someone unaccustomed to being told 'no'. Vae glanced at LE to find the droid's head tipped toward vaer in a posture _intimately_ familiar to Egrun. _What a tool,_ it said, _please let me shoot him._ Though LE didn't even wait for Egrun's tiny shake of vaer head that, _no, we're not killing a Sith in a nest of other Sith—_ 🤖 was already getting down on one knee, the clang of metal on the cold floor startling Egrun into position.

"I have remade the pitiful creatures around you into my image," Jadus was saying, as Egrun stole surreptitious glances at LE, 🤖s metal frame completely motionless. "So shall I remake you into the vessel for my power." At least LE couldn't be implanted with bad cybernetics. Maybe it was a metaphor?

"Now go from here, and return to your duties."

"Yes, Lord Jadus."

"Yes, my lord."

"Remember what I have said. Remember that you walk the path to power—and remember that I am eternal."

* * *

_"Remember that I am eternal,"_ Egrun scoffed, as soon as they were a safe distance from the room. "Sith are something else."

"Mm," came LE's reply—quiet, and with unusual brevity.

"Ellie?" Egrun said, shooting 🤖 a curious glance, but LE didn't respond. "Hey! What's with you?" Egrun exclaimed, punching LE's shoulder plate (gently. It _was_ metal.) "You barely said a thing in there."

"Thinking," LE said vaguely.

Egrun gave 🤖 an unimpressed look. "You've got the processing power for _dozens_ of conversations at once, _and thinking._ "

"Maybe I'm _having_ dozens of conversations at once," LE sniped back.

Egrun rolled vaer eyes.

They walked all the way to the taxi stand before LE spoke again. "So," LE said without any preamble, as the taxi pulled out into the open air, "this guy is the first Imperial to even show a _bit_ of interest in us, in _me_ for kriff's sake _,_ and you're not even a _little_ interested?"

"I didn't say that," Egrun said defensively.

LE waved a hand at vaer. "You were thinking it. _'Deluded asshole,'_ yadda yadda."

"What, and you _weren't?"_ Egrun shot. LE made a vague hand motion. "You were ready to shoot him!"

"I like shooting people," LE shrugged.

Egrun rolled vaer eyes. "He's not the _worst_ we've ever met, but—you heard his weird religious bullshit!" vae protested. "You really want to work with a guy who... who says things like _'I have remade these pitiful creatures in my image!'"_

"They _were_ kind of pathetic," LE said idly.

"Ellie," Egrun growled.

"Didn't you make me to look like you?" LE added.

"What—I don't look anything _like_ you!"

LE slid a hand from 🤖s head to Egrun's. "Same height. Same voice. Same brain patterns."

"We are not having this conversation," Egrun said, glaring at 🤖.

"I don't think we really have a choice, anyway," LE said. "With Jadus, I mean."

Egrun sighed, sliding further down in the taxi seat. "Reassuring."

"Haven't you been paying attention? This is how the Empire works. Those 'Sith' fuckers call the shots, and everyone else runs around picking up their shit. Their feces," LE added. "Their turds. Their literal sh—"

"I get it, thanks," Egrun said. "In other words, just like the Ascendancy."

"Bingo."

The taxi slowed as it reached the platform; LE vaulted out almost before it had come to a complete stop. Egrun followed a moment after, falling in beside 🤖 as they walked down the ramp into the crowded main path through the city square. "And here I thought we came here for a _change,_ " Egrun said, head tipping back to watch the streams of air traffic above them.

"We came here," LE said, "because the Ascendancy's tiny blue assholes are puckered so tight they're not _making_ shit for anyone to pooper-scoop."

Egrun snorted. "Oh, is that how it is."

"Isn't it?" LE said innocently.

"Nothing to do with you getting murder-happy on the most beautiful garden in the capital, then."

"They can get new trees."

"And new corrupt politicians?"

"Probably even more corrupt."

"Mm. Probably."


End file.
